be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
