Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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