If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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