Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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