2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
