Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
