No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
