the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
