I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
smell my finger.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
