Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
