Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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