Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
