I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
