In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize