I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
