remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
