she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were trust falling into bushes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
