I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My bed smells like the plague
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