he shaved USA in his pubs
she told me i tasted like america
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
