Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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