I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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