I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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