i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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