I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
