I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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