dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
