I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize