broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
