My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
