so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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