wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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