just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
