btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
