apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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