brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
