His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
