Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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