Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
