Your tits are I can't wait for
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
