If that was your dad, he is hot
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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