you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
