The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They took my balls.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
