the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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