my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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