WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
