The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
