She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
this must be what syphilis tastes like
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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