My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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