Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
