I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
