I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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