I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize