this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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