There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
