She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
