Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
