God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
