Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
