Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
