he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
love makes seman taste better
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
