omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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