I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
