I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
