Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
